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What it looks like when a man is leading:
> “The man should lead absolutely everything. Every step of the way. And to do that, he must lead his woman to stop leading anything.”
“He must lead to get her number. He must lead to ask her on a date. He must lead all the dates from start to finish. He must lead by setting the terms in the relationship. He must lead by setting all expectations. He must lead by setting all boundaries. He must lead by guiding any conflict to resolution. He must lead his woman to her feelings. He must lead by helping his woman grow. He must lead by telling his woman what to do. He must lead by taking care of the finances. He must lead by deciding the children’s care and education. He must lead by anticipating his woman’s needs.”
A man is leading when he is initiating, directing, and taking responsibility for the direction and structure of the relationship. He’s not waiting to be told what to do. He’s not reacting. He is deciding and acting for the sake of his woman and the relationship.
What it looks like when a woman is leading (which kills polarity):
> “A person is 'leading' by my definition whenever they are trying to get an outcome. That outcome is getting their partner to 'do' something.”
“If a woman tries to get her man to give her approval or avoid disapproval, she is leading. If a woman tries to make her man happy, or make him unhappy, she is leading. If a woman tries to get her man to meet any of her wants or needs, she is leading. If a woman tries to get her man to stop doing something she doesn't like, she is leading.”
Women “lead” when they try to get a specific response or behavior from their man. Whether it’s getting him to do the dishes, talk more, stop doing something, give more affection—if she’s trying to get something, she’s leading.
What a woman does instead in a polarized relationship:
> “The woman follows his lead and communicates how she feels so her man can make better decisions with his leadership.”
She follows. She receives. She vulnerably shares her feelings. That’s how she influences her man—not by directing him, but by revealing her heart so he can adjust out of devotion.
In short:
A man leads by taking initiative and responsibility.
A woman leads (which she must stop doing) when she tries to control or extract.
She instead follows by expressing how she feels and letting him choose how to respond, which inspires his masculine leadership.
Let me know if you want examples pulled from real relationship moments Zak shared.