You can’t Control Hurt….
You can't control hurt. The more you try, the deeper it digs its claws in.
This week, I arrived at a brutal truth about love, dating, and the suffocating fear we all carry from past wounds: hurt is inevitable. We’ve all been scarred in some way betrayed, abandoned, left in the dark. And so, we try to fortify ourselves. We build walls. We guard our hearts like fragile treasures, convinced that if we hold everything tightly enough, the pain will stay at bay.
But here’s the epiphany that hit me like a freight train: you cannot outrun hurt. You cannot avoid it. No matter how carefully you choose, no matter how tightly you hold on, life has a way of throwing you back into the chaos. New relationships will come with their own bruises. There will be misunderstandings. There will be moments that leave you questioning everything. You might get hurt again. And again. And again.
But here's the thing: that's life. To hide from it, to cripple yourself with fear of the unknown, is to live half a life. The more you try to control the hurt, the more it tightens its grip. Fear runs deeper than you think, and it doesn't just sit there passively in your mind; it lives in your body, your soul, your every action. It's what stops you from leaning in. It's what keeps your heart clenched, your words measured, your touch cautious. It's what makes you retreat every time something feels too real, too raw.
And yes, there are those who will hurt you intentionally. There are those who will break your spirit. There are those who are not worthy of your trust, your love, your time. You must guard your heart against abuse. You must have discernment, and you must prioritize your safety. That is non-negotiable.
But if you are constantly living in fear of hurt, constantly trying to control what’s beyond your control, you will never truly love. You will never truly live. The reality is, the more you close yourself off, the more you strangle your own potential for connection, for growth, for the kind of love that transcends the scars of the past.
Let go. Let go of the need to control. Let go of the idea that you can shield yourself from every ounce of pain. Because if you don’t, you’ll miss out on the beauty of raw, vulnerable, imperfect love. Open yourself up, slowly, imperfectly, but with a heart that is willing to take the leap again. Even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts.
Let go of the fear. Let go of the armor. And step into the mess of it all. That is where life begins. You will see how freeier you will feel.
No, I cannot accept that getting hurt is life. Getting hurt is because two persons are not in sync and one part benefits personally from hurting the other, instead of both working towards a common goal. If getting hurt again and again is the way of life, then we are on the wrong path, and will lead to out own demise. Whole Object Relations theory states that people will either believe in a life long relationship, or not, which is Split Object Relations. People who have this get's it as a trauma reactions from the earlier years of childhood and develops as a curse, which makes them constantly break up relationships, attracting mostly people with Whole Object Relations, which is why this becomes a way of life. But it doesn't need to be like this, and the only way to make a better way of life is to surrender to faith in Jesus.